There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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