Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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