Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.