Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
