Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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