i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
