i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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