some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
