You just made me feel so damn special
im drinking this country out of the recession.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
