Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
