I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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