I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
