did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
