True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
