but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
