it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
