Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
