Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
