I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
