Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
