all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
