the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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