you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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