I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
