My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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