Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
