I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
