I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
