I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
zippers are such a cool invention
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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