so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
