Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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