And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
