woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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