We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
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Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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