thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
