what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
