And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
