You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
