i was born a porn star she said
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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