Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
