I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
