I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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