I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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