he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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