I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
