Screwed.edu
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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