You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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