That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All the doctor said was why
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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