He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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