fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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