I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
