i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My vagina is officially offended.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
