i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
