peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
