That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
