was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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