Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
