ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
