we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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