Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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