there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Couch. On fire.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
