Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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