dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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