OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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