You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
