Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
this hospital has no fireball
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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