Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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