Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
