Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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