another moral hangover. fuck.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
