Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm just crazy horny about you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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