wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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