I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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