dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
