Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
