my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
