You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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