I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.