pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
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I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
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You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.