Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later