if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE