I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked