im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.