New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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